My Darling boys....
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| My sweet babies resting place |
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| This is Ethan's Shadow Box |
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| This is Tommy's Shadow Box |
It has been a while since my last letter to you. I am so sorry. I intended to write so much more, but have found even that to be difficult. I have wanted so desperately to reach out, to hold you and rock you and tell you both how much i love you so, but these letters have only made the burden feel real. I have been desperately seeking answers to my prayers and ways to strengthen my faith that i might not be overtaken by depression. I think you would and hope you are proud of me. I am doing better. While my arms and my heart still and will forever ache for you, i am beginning to find ways to accept Heavenly Father's will. While i will never understand at least in this life, why i couldnt keep you, i am trying to understand that my Father in Heaven has a plan, and a plan of happiness for me and for all his children. I hope so much that i can get that through my thick skull, that i can find a way to be faithful and to be obedient so i can gain the promises of having you once again. I cannot believe it has been 9 months already since i held you both in my arms. i am both amazed and saddened by how quickly time is passing. it seams like only yesterday and at the same time, it seems like forever ago. It has taken me a very long time to be able to do the things i have wanted to do to memorialize your brief little life. I still have much more that i have not been able to bring myself to do yet, but we have been able to get your beautiful headstone completed. i went to visit you last week. The grass has grown in around your headstone. it is beginning to look beautfiul rather than muddy and dirty. I am grateful for the landscapers that have taken care of your plot. I only wish i could take care of you. I have also been working on your shadow boxes. I am pleased to say i have completed them, but i think i will always want to make it better. I just dont think i can do justice to love, and fondness i feel for you both. I love you boys so much! I miss you desperately and i hope that you know how much you mean to me. I look forward to day when i can hold you both in my arms. What a cherished and happy day that will be! Please help your momma. I am doing better, but i need you!
